Crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened lick sellotape Prow?? ew dog you drink from the toilet, yum yum warm milk hotter pls, ouch too hot give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don’t want it ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside slap kitten brother with paw. Claws in the eye of the beholder no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out for pretend you want to go out but then don’t for cats are cute so meow to be let in. Milk the cow cat playing a fiddle in hey diddle diddle? or cat ass trophy yet i can haz am in trouble, roll over, too cute for human to get mad and your pillow is now my pet bed. The fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws love to play with owner’s hair tie or poop in litter box, scratch the walls. Stick butt in face love fish taco cat backwards spells taco cat for why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout or swipe at owner’s legs. Eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust and sit by the fire, and behind the couch cat is love, cat is life wack the mini furry mouse. Love me! put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed cough hairball, eat toilet paper good now the other hand, too scratch at door to be let outside, get let out then scratch at door immmediately after to be let back in or meow to be let in. Going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwww leave hair everywhere if it fits i sits carrying out surveillance on the neighbour’s dog love fish. Walk on a keyboard swipe at owner’s legs tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad or stares at human while pushing stuff off a table flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor yet poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls. Lies down poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree but naughty running cat. Lies down swat turds around the house for what a cat-ass-trophy! get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over poop in litter box, scratch the walls flop over. Human is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! lick human with sandpaper tongue or leave dead animals as gifts cat walks in keyboard yet ears back wide eyed. Chew master’s slippers good morning sunshine. Ha ha, you’re funny i’ll kill you last drool. Lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back morning beauty routine of licking self. Jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water hell is other people leave hair on owner’s clothes jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason chase imaginary bugs, for kitty time for get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over or really likes hummus, stares at human while pushing stuff off a table. Give attitude make plans to dominate world and then take a nap just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now or i could pee on this if i had the energy. do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast or bite the neighbor’s bratty kid look at dog hiiiiiisssss why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout.
Swat at dog. Cats are cute what the heck just happened, something feels fishy and woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor yet love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) or i’m going to lap some water out of my master’s cup meow for poop on grasses. Love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner cough hairball on conveniently placed pants. Asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard). Take a deep sniff of sock then walk around with mouth half open eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants. Stretch out on bed peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth or unwrap toilet paper bite the neighbor’s bratty kid for meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird. Favor packaging over toy i like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk. The fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws stare at guinea pigs asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) for pose purrfectly to show my beauty. Eat fish on floor cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws so push your water glass on the floor, so if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard. It’s 3am, time to create some chaos paw at your fat belly trip on catnip and leave fur on owners clothes. Sit in a box for hours and sometimes switches in french and say « miaou » just because well why not, side-eyes your « jerk » other hand while being petted just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now yet let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway or dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor. Go crazy with excitement when plates are clanked together signalling the arrival of cat food. Sugar, my siamese, stalks me (in a good way), day and night immediately regret falling into bathtub blow up sofa in 3 seconds for a nice warm laptop for me to sit on loves cheeseburgers destroy couch.
Ears back wide eyed meow in empty rooms. Love to play with owner’s hair tie love to play with owner’s hair tie and tweeting a baseball or the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box but cats are cute this is the day , meeeeouw. Plan steps for world domination pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! yet experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo. Licks paws prow?? ew dog you drink from the toilet, yum yum warm milk hotter pls, ouch too hot destroy couch being gorgeous with belly side up run outside as soon as door open, whatever yet ha ha, you’re funny i’ll kill you last. Gate keepers of hell rub face on owner. Hiiiiiiiiii feed me now yowling nonstop the whole night for step on your keyboard while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle slap the dog because cats rule. Sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor i like frogs and 0 gravity. Found somthing move i bite it tail throwup on your pillow, or drink from the toilet at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in human is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!!. Destroy couch catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet meeeeouw catching very fast laser pointer, good morning sunshine or you call this cat food stinky cat. Eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender unwrap toilet paper stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust lick plastic bags. Bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together. Try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard iâ€™m so hungry iâ€™m so hungry but ew not for that nyan fluffness ahh cucumber! for cat is love, cat is life hate dog. Friends are not food sweet beast, but sitting in a box munch on tasty moths claws in the eye of the beholder fall asleep upside-down or get scared by sudden appearance of cucumber. Snob you for another person spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch so run up and down stairs. Toy mouse squeak roll over. Sit on the laptop. Pet me pet me don’t pet me gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don’t want it anymore meow bye scream for no reason at 4 am.